Toilet Humour?

17 November 2011

Ok, two posts in one day? Yes, but it’s because I probably would forget it if I don’t get this post out right now!
GAH!! I had a really awkward experience in the toilet at work this afternoon.
I really needed to poop, but I’m very uncomfortable doing such tasks in the staff toilets because the wall/partition between toilets and the door don’t reach the floor or the roof, meaning any smells or noises I emit will have an audience… Awkward! Especially when the person sitting next to you could potentially be the colleague you share an office with, or the nice laundry lady that always says hello to you.
So I walked about half a kilometre to the public toilets that have awkward doors but they’re nearly air tight and well… I thought they were pretty much sound proof… I was wrong! 😦
I sat down did my thing and was nearly up to the final wipe, when I heard what sounded like two ladies, an elderly mother and her daughter enter the toilet. I usually like to wait for people to leave as to preserve my pooping anonymity. So I figured they wouldn’t take too long… I was wrong!
The door ways/doors to this particular toilet are very awkward and hard to manoeuvre when you are elderly, overweight or unwell. I believe the elderly lady and her daughter were probably both of these. The elderly lady struggled and then I heard the daughter say “Just leave the door open”, I was planning on making my escape until I heard those five words.
I’m a nurse, I have seen plenty of old naked people urinating or pooping, but I couldn’t handle the embarrassment of being the pooper and also having to potentially embarrass this family, so I committed to waiting it out… What a mistake!
I heard a familiar tone/trill and realised there was another lady, possibly another daughter who was clearly playing Words With Friends. I also heard the old lady peeing and then say “oh dear…” I believe from what ensued she had peed on herself. Now there was no way I could leave until they had.
I was regretting my decision to remain incognito, but it felt like I had been in there so long that if I emerged they would probably think I was a very strange individual with curly hair and a striped purple/grey shirt… they could identify me and say “There she is, the pooper who violated my mother!”. At least if I remained in the toilet they would think of me only as a strange, possibly constipated unidentifiable person.
So whilst one daughter was cleaning the mother up and from what I gather changing her underwear, the other daughter was playing Words With Friends. She was asking if “Hey” was a word, I had to stifle my laughter, both at her ignorance and at the whole situation; I was stuck in a toilet pretending I didn’t exist, hoping they would leave soon. She entered “hey” in and then said “look ‘hey’ is a word”.
I’m sad to admit it, but I’m no word smith. When it comes to words with friends I believe I have only ever won one game and that’s because the person I was playing against didn’t play for a long time, therefore forfeiting the game. But for this lady to not know that “Hey” is a word and then continue to say that she is getting beaten only about as badly as I am… Embarrassing! There was no way I could leave the toilet while they were there.
And then one of the daughters started telling the mother that she needed to wear bigger incontinence pads, the pull up kind that toddlers wear, while the other one was telling her mother to “centre” herself before she goes to the toilet so that she doesn’t pee herself. The poor old lady!
So after about 10-15mins of me sitting on the toilet waiting for these people to leave finally they did… I waited to hear the outer door shut and for their voices to trail off chatting about how one of the daughters has to go home so she can “go to the club” (I’m guessing the RSL or Bowls club)…
The coast was finally clear, I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and left, taking time to gingerly look both ways before exiting, hoping they wouldn’t see me, they were gone. I left the scene as if nothing had ever happened.
I hope I never have to poop at work again!

Update – I have had to poop many more times at work since this post… But I don’t think any have been quite as awkward, and I’ve become much more comfortable with it all.

– Cass xo –

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